Who Reads the Papers Yes Prime Minister Quote

YPM 1.ane - The Grand Design
First airtime BBC: 9 January 1986
Length: 30 minutes

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The visit to the war room Plot: One of the starting time things Jim Hacker does afterward becoming PM is a visit to the Ministry of Defence. There Full general Howard shows Jim Hacker Britain's nuclear button of 192 warheads. And with the intended purchase of the new Trident nuclear missile, United kingdom will have even more than nuclear hitting capability. The General also informs Jim Hacker that the present army forces could agree out confronting a Russian invasion for 72 hours at most. This means Jim would accept simply 12 hours to decide whether or not to push the nuclear push.
Jim Hacker is disturbed by this news. Together with Bernard he goes over the forcefulness of the British Defence. Bernard reveals that Britain cannot rely on the other NATO armies, and that when new warheads are delivered they usually do no fit on the top of the existing rockets. Bernard advises Jim to take a talk with the Master Scientific Adviser about this.
Jim consults the Chief Scientific Adviser The Chief Scientific Adviser asserts that if the Russians would to try annihilation, information technology would be salami tactics (slice by slice). Jim soon realises that he would merely push the nuclear button if he were given no selection. But because of the Russians using salami tactics, he will probably never button the nuclear button. Therefore, the Primary Scientific Adviser advises Jim to cancel the purchase of Trident and utilise the money to build a large conventional army with hello-tech weaponry. Now Jim gets a swell idea: if he were to abolish Trident, use the money to build a large conventional army and reintroduce conscription, he would solve Britain's defense force, unemployment and didactics bug in i stroke. He calls information technology Hacker's Thou Design.
The Grand Design speech The next day Jim Hacker finds out that there are lunching facilities for all employees at Downing Street, except for him. In a meeting with Sir Humphrey he demands that he gets a government paid cook. Sir Humphrey all the same points out that no PM was able to pull this off over the terminal 250 years. Jim is non satisfied and demands Sir Humphrey takes care of solving this effect. And so Jim tells Sir Humphrey of his new plan: Hacker'southward Grand Blueprint. Sir Humphrey is bewildered about this program and protests immediately. He tries to convince Jim most the necessity of buying Trident. He even tries the statement that Great britain deserves the all-time and Trident is the best. Jim Hacker notwithstanding is not convinced.
Afterward at a reception Jim Hacker sounds out General Howard nearly canceling Trident. The General is in favour because Great britain does not demand information technology. When the General later learns from Sir Humphrey that canceling Trident Humphrey amazed at Jim's Grand Design also would mean a reintroduction of conscription, his opinion most canceling Trident changes immediately. Sir Humphrey promises him he will endeavor to slow Jim Hacker down regarding canceling Trident.
At the PM's Part Jim Hacker tells Sir Humphrey virtually the plans for his upcoming visit to the American President in Washington. When they go over the Cabinet agenda Jim notices that Trident is not on the agenda. Sir Humphrey explains that he thought information technology would be wiser, since he had a coming together with the American ambassador the day before. The ambassador told Sir Humphrey that if Uk is to cancel Trident, Jim Hacker would not meet with the President but with the Vice-President. Jim Hacker is shocked! His meeting with the American President is vital for PR, but he also wants to make his marker in history. So Humphrey tells Hacker he has already made his mark. Something none of his predecessors ever accomplished: a regime paid melt!
Rating (0-10): 9

Top 5 Quotes

  1. RealAudio Sir Humphrey: "With Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe."
    Jim Hacker: "I don't want to obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe."
    Sir Humphrey: "It'south a deterrent."
    Jim Hacker: "It's a bluff. I probably wouldn't utilize it."
    Sir Humphrey: "Yes, simply they don't know that you probably wouldn't."
    Jim Hacker: "They probably do."
    Sir Humphrey: "Yeah, they probably know that you probably wouldn't. Only they can't certainly know."
    Jim Hacker: "They probably certainly know that I probably wouldn't."
    Sir Humphrey: "Yes, but fifty-fifty though they probably certainly know that yous probably wouldn't, they don't certainly know that, although you probably wouldn't, there is no probability that yous certainly would."
  2. RealAudio Jim Hacker: "Nice to be able to reward one'due south old allies. Was Ron Jones pleased with his peerage?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Oh yep, Prime Minister. He said his members would be delighted."
    Jim Hacker: "His members?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yes, the members of his union. The National Federation..."
    Jim Hacker: "I didn't hateful him. I meant our backbencher. I meant to give a peerage to Ron Jones, not Ron Jones. The hell!!"
    Bernard Woolley: "If it is any consolation, Prime number Government minister, I get together he was awfully pleased."
    Jim Hacker: "What are nosotros going to practise about Ron Jones'south peerage. Requite him one besides?"
    Sir Humphrey: "With respect, Prime Government minister, we tin can't send 2 Lord Ron Jones to the Upper House. It volition expect like a job lot."
    Jim Hacker: "We got to requite him something, I promised."
    Sir Humphrey: "Well, what is he interested in? Does he watch goggle box?"
    Jim Hacker: "He hasn't even got a set."
    Sir Humphrey: "Fine, brand him Governor of the BBC."
  3. RealAudio Sir Humphrey: "Don't you believe that Cracking U.k. should have the all-time?"
    Jim Hacker: "Aye, of class."
    Sir Humphrey: "Very well, if you lot walked into a nuclear missile showroom yous would buy Trident - it'due south lovely, it'due south elegant, it'south cute. It is quite merely the best. And Britain should have the all-time. In the earth of the nuclear missile it is the Saville Row suit, the Rolls Royce Corniche, the Château Lafitte 1945. It is the nuclear missile Harrods would sell y'all. What more can I say?"
    Jim Hacker: "But that it costs £xv billion and we don't need it."
    Sir Humphrey: "Well, you can say that virtually annihilation at Harrods."
  4. RealAudio Jim Hacker: "Tell me, Full general, where is the Hot Line?"
    General Howard: "Which i?"
    Jim Hacker: "The one to Russia."
    Bernard Woolley: "The Red Hot Line, Sir."
    General Howard: "That'south in Downing Street."
    Jim Hacker: "And then in an emergency, I can get directly through to the Soviet President?"
    Full general Howard: "Theoretically, aye."
    Jim Hacker: "Theoretically?"
    General Howard: "That'southward what nosotros tell journalists. In fact, we did once become through to the Kremlin, but only to a switchboard operator."
    Jim Hacker: "Couldn't the operator put you through?"
    General Howard: "We never establish out. He didn't seem to speak much English."
  5. RealAudio Bernard Woolley: "That is why that torpedo landed on Sandwich Golf Class."
    Jim Hacker: "Sandwich Golf game Course? I didn't read that in the paper."
    Bernard Woolley: "No, of course not: there was a camouflage. The members but found a new bunker on the 7th fairway the next day."

YPM one.2 - The Ministerial Circulate
Beginning airtime BBC: xvi January 1986
Length: thirty minutes

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Jetlag overwhelms Jim Plot: Jim Hacker has simply returned from his visit to the American President in Washington. While the PM is suffering from jet-lag (in other words: sleeping), Bernard Woolley is briefed by Sir Humphrey to end the PM from announcing his Grand Design (canceling Trident and reintroducing conscription) in his first television circulate.
Hacker invites his Press Secretarial assistant Malcolm Warren to discuss his beginning telly appearance as Prime Government minister. They make up one's mind the all-time thing will exist Jim Hacker talking into the camera. Since Hacker has niggling experience with this, Malcolm will prepare upwards a practice session. Malcolm wants to know what the circulate is going to be near. At first, Jim Hacker wants to talk nearly the usual vague stuff (better tomorrow, gear towards the future, tighten our belts, The test recording session etc.), but then he remembers his Grand Blueprint. Bernard calls Sir Humphrey to inform him of Hacker's plans and Sir Humphrey immediately rushes over to the PM. Sir Humphrey strongly advises Hacker not to mention the Grand Blueprint, since it first has to exist discussed in the Overseas Policy and Defense force Commission. Jim Hacker however offset wants to put his Chiliad Pattern before the House and Cabinet and and then announce information technology in his circulate.
The exercise session for the ministerial broadcast turns out to be a learning experience for Jim Hacker. Godfrey, the television producer, gives him all sort of suggest on how to sit, what clothes to wear, the style he should talk, etc. At the same time, Bernard is trying to modify the text for the broadcast so it does not say anything about canceling Trident. Godfrey mentions that in that case Jim Hacker Jim looking like he had a liquid lunch should wear a modernistic accommodate and the groundwork should exist yellow wallpaper, abstract paintings and Stravinsky every bit opening music. In fact, everything to disguise the fact that the speech contains aught new. If on the other hand Hacker will talk about the Grand Design so he should wear a dark adjust and the reassuring traditional background (oak paneling, leather volumes and 18th century portraits). The opening music would then be Bach.
Bernard goes to see Sir Humphrey and tells him that Hacker is planning to announce his M Design in the broadcast. The PM thinks it will be a vote-winner considering a Political party poll has shown that 64% of the population are in favour of reintroducing conscription. Sir Humphrey advises Bernard to issue another poll to show the majority of the population is against reintroducing conscription. Bernard wonders how this can be washed and Sir Humphrey explains it (see Quote 1.). Sir Humphrey volition make sure all the Permanent Secretaries volition brief their Ministers to oppose the Grand Blueprint.
The Cabinet Meeting outcome After the Cabinet meeting where the Grand Design is discussed Jim Hacker is rather puzzled past the result. All his Cabinet colleagues who were previously in favour of it, now all seemed against it. The Foreign Secretary was talking near how it could look as appeasing the Soviets. The Defence Secretary was saying that Britain should have the best and Trident is the best. And the Employment Secretarial assistant was raving about how conscription volition permit an ground forces of trained killers loose on the streets.
Sir Humphrey advises Hacker non to denote his M Design in the television receiver broadcast. Bernard gives Hacker the results of the latest poll that shows that 73% of the population are against conscription. Hacker now thinks it is best not to refer to the Thou Design in the speech. So it is going to be the very modern suit, yellow wallpaper, abstract paintings....and Stravinsky.
Rating (0-10): 9

Elevation 5 Quotes

  1. RealAudio Sir Humphrey: "You know what happens: nice young lady comes up to you. Obviously you desire to create a good impression, you don't want to look a fool, do you? So she starts request you some questions: Mr. Woolley, are you worried near the number of immature people without jobs?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yeah"
    Sir Humphrey: "Are you lot worried near the rise in criminal offense amidst teenagers?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yes"
    Sir Humphrey: "Exercise you lot call back at that place is a lack of subject field in our Comprehensive schools?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yep"
    Sir Humphrey: "Do you think immature people welcome some authorisation and leadership in their lives?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yep"
    Sir Humphrey: "Do you think they respond to a challenge?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yes"
    Sir Humphrey: "Would yous be in favour of reintroducing National Service?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Oh...well, I suppose I might be."
    Sir Humphrey: "Yes or no?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yeah"
    Sir Humphrey: "Of course you would, Bernard. After all you told you can't say no to that. So they don't mention the first five questions and they publish the last one."
    Bernard Woolley: "Is that really what they do?"
    Sir Humphrey: "Well, non the reputable ones no, but in that location aren't many of those. So alternatively the young lady tin get the opposite upshot."
    Bernard Woolley: "How?"
    Sir Humphrey: "Mr. Woolley, are you worried virtually the danger of war?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yes"
    Sir Humphrey: "Are y'all worried about the growth of armaments?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yes"
    Sir Humphrey: "Practise you think at that place is a danger in giving immature people guns and teaching them how to impale?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yes"
    Sir Humphrey: "Practice you think information technology is incorrect to force people to take upwards arms confronting their will?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Aye"
    Sir Humphrey: "Would you lot oppose the reintroduction of National Service?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Yeah"
    Sir Humphrey: "There you are, you encounter Bernard. The perfect counterbalanced sample."
  2. RealAudio Sir Humphrey: "It's clear that the Committee has agreed that your new policy is really an excellent programme. But in view of the doubts being expressed, may I advise that I call back that after careful consideration, the considered view of the Commission was that, while they considered that the proposal met with broad approval in principle, that some of the principles were sufficiently cardinal in principle, and some of the considerations so complex and finely balanced in practice that in principle information technology was proposed that the sensible and prudent do would be to submit the proposal for more detailed consideration, laying stress on the essential continuity of the new proposal with existing principles, the principal of the chief arguments which the proposal proposes and propounds for their approval. In principle."
  3. RealAudio Godfrey: "Will you exist wearing those spectacles?" [during the boob tube broadcast]
    Jim Hacker: "Oh, what do you recollect?"
    Godfrey: "Well, it's up to you, plainly. With them on you look authoritative and commanding. With them off you look honest and open. Which do you lot want?"
    Jim Hacker: "Well, I want to look authoritative and honest."
    Godfrey: "Information technology'southward one or the other, actually."
    Jim Hacker: "What near starting with them off and so putting them on while I am talking?"
    Godfrey: "That only looks indecisive."
    Jim Hacker: "Oh, I see."
    Bernard Woolley: "What about a monocle?"
  4. RealAudio Sir Humphrey: "Bernard, what is the purpose of our defense force policy?"
    Bernard Woolley: "To defend Britain."
    Sir Humphrey: "No, Bernard. It is to make people believe Britain is defended."
    Bernard Woolley: "The Russians?"
    Sir Humphrey: "Not the Russians, the British! The Russians know information technology is non."
  5. RealAudio Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, who is it who has the last discussion about the government of Britain? The British Cabinet or the American President?"
    Sir Humphrey: "You know that is a fascinating question. We often discuss information technology."
    Jim Hacker: "And what determination accept you arrived at?"
    Sir Humphrey: "Well, I must admit to exist a fleck of a heretic. I think information technology is the British Cabinet. But I know I am in the minority.

YPM 1.three - The Smoke Screen
Showtime airtime BBC: 23 January 1986
Length: 30 minutes

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Humphrey and Frank discussing the tax cut Plot: Sir Humphrey and Sir Frank Gordon (Permanent Secretary to the Treasury) are discussing Hacker's latest plan of a revenue enhancement cut of one½ billion pounds. Sir Frank had enormous difficulty convincing the Chancellor of opposing this programme. But in the end he used the convincing argument that the revenue enhancement cutting would mean cuts in health care, which are unpopular with the voters. Sir Humphrey has to blitz off to his next urgent appointment: a cricket match.
At the cricket match Sir Humphrey gets awfully boozer in the VIP berth of the British Tobacco Group (BTG). He asks the Chairman whether BTG tin can sponsor some productions at the Purple Opera Firm. The Chairman is happy to wait into this. Sir Humphrey thinks these BTG chaps are national benefactors.
When Sir Humphrey goes to see Jim Hacker, they discuss the programme of the tax cut. Jim cannot The meeting with Humphrey understand why the Chancellor opposed this plan that would increase the government's popularity with the voters. Sir Humphrey however explains that the Treasury does non believe in giving dorsum coin. He argues that the Treasury's power is directly linked to how much money they tin can become their hands on. In the view of the Treasury it is not the taxpayer's money, information technology is their coin. The only manner is to either become the Treasury or the Chancellor to agree to the programme.
Adjacent, Jim Hacker is visited by Dr. Peter Thorn, the Minister for Health. Dr. Thorn presents his programme to eliminate smoking: banning all tobacco sponsorships, ad and smoking in public places; anti-smoking publicity; and a raise in taxes on cigarettes up to a point where a pack of cigarettes costs about every bit much as a bottle of whiskey. Jim Hacker is astonished by this idealistic plan. So he realises that he could use his "support" for Dr. Thorn'due south plan to strength Cut smoking by mass hypnosis? the Treasury to agree to his taxation cut programme. He urges Dr. Thorn to make some speeches on his programme to eliminate smoking.
When Jim Hacker tells Sir Humphrey most his support for Dr. Thorn's plan, Humphrey points to the fact that cigarettes produce 4 billion pounds a year in tax revenue. Jim Hacker points out that smoking related diseases cause 100,000 premature deaths a year, but Sir Humphrey argues that otherwise these people would take cost the authorities financially even more in pensions and social security.
The Minister for Sports is also very concerned near these anti-smoking plans. Besides from sport sponsorships going down, he is also worried well-nigh the effect on his and other marginal constituencies with tobacco workers. He expresses these concerns in a meeting with Jim Hacker.
Think about the marginal constituencies Sir Humphrey, Sir Frank Gordon and the Permanent Secretary of the Section of Health come up up with a strategy to counter the anti-smoking plans. Jim Hacker - as Minister for Administrative Affairs - has enjoyed the hospitality of BTG at many sporting and cultural events. Sir Humphrey volition threaten to leak this embarrassing information.
When Sir Humphrey however tries this strategy, Jim Hacker is not impressed. He has enjoyed drinks at the Soviet Embassy and this does not make him a Russian spy, does it? Sir Humphrey had not realised this. Jim than hints at his problem with the Treasury to agree to his taxation cut plan. Now Sir Humphrey understands that the anti-smoking programme will be canceled in exchange for agreement upon the tax cutting plan. He decides to check with the Treasury whether this is possible.
Marvellous!? All this support for an anti-smoking plan In the meanwhile Dr. Thorn informs Jim Hacker near the extensive academical support already received for the anti-smoking plan. When Jim tries to cancel his support for the plan, Dr. Thorn threatens to resign and tell the public Jim blocked his plan. Jim quickly consults Sir Humphrey, who informs him that the Treasury agrees to the tax cut provided the anti-smoking plan is dropped. Sir Humphrey advises Jim to offer Dr. Thorn the job vacancy at the Treasury. Dr. Thorn, although hesitant at first, finally accepts this new job. This leaves a vacancy at the Department for Health. Jim Hacker calls for the Minister of Sports and offers him this job. He happily accepts this job promotion. Everything is at present settled and Jim Hacker got his tax cut.
Inconsistency: Afterward promising support for Thorn's anti-smoking plan, the Minister for Sports immediately requests a meeting. However, this Minister cannot know most Hacker's support yet.
Rating (0-10):
8

Pinnacle v Quotes

  1. RealAudio Sir Humphrey: "Withal the fact that your proposal could conceivably comprehend certain concomitant benefits of a marginal and peripheral relevance, at that place is a countervailing consideration of infinitely superior magnitude involving your personal complicity and corroborative malfeasance, with a consequence that the taint and stigma of your old associations and diversions could irredeemably and irretrievably invalidate your position and culminate in public revelations and recriminations of a profoundly embarrassing and ultimately indefensible graphic symbol."
    Jim Hacker: "Perhaps I can take a précis of that?"
  2. RealAudio Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, we are talking about 100,000 deaths a twelvemonth."
    Sir Humphrey: "Yes, but cigarette taxes pay for a third of the cost of the National Health Service. We are saving many more than lives than nosotros otherwise could because of those smokers who voluntary lay down their lives for their friends. Smokers are national benefactors."
  3. RealAudio Sir Humphrey: "Revenue enhancement isn't about what y'all need."
    Jim Hacker: "Oh, what is it about?"
    Sir Humphrey: "Prime number Minister, the Treasury doesn't piece of work out what they need to spend and and so think how to heighten the money."
    Jim Hacker: "What does information technology do?"
    Sir Humphrey: "They pitch for as much as they retrieve they can get away with and so recall what to spend it on."
  4. RealAudio Jim Hacker: "These figures are just guesses."
    Sir Humphrey: "No, they are authorities statis..... they're facts."
  5. RealAudio Permanent Secretarial assistant for Health: "It will be different if the government were a team, only in fact they are a loose confederation of warring tribes."

YPM 1.4 - The Key
Outset airtime BBC: 30 January 1986
Length: thirty minutes

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Dorothy lays out the floor plan Plot: Dorothy Wainwright - the PM's Political Adviser - complains to Jim about the fact that her office was of a sudden turned into a waiting room over the weekend. Jim Hacker confirms this, as he approved an office reorganisation plan submitted by Sir Humphrey. Dorothy explains that the Civil Service is trying to become her out of that function for 3 years now, because information technology is in the strategic spot close to the PM. Because of its location (near the gents' loo), Dorothy could keep the former PM fully informed of the plots against him. Every bit soon as Jim realizes this he decides Dorothy must have her sometime office back.
When Bernard is arranging Dorothy to motility back into her one-time function, he is stopped by Sir Humphrey. He tells Bernard that she was moved out of her office to restrict the amount of advice she could give to the PM. Furthermore, he orders Bernard to see to it that no ane, how familiar, can exist admitted to Number Ten without a security pass or an engagement.
Jim has a change of heart...again He goes to see Jim Hacker about Dorothy'due south function. To Jim he explains that turning Dorothy's office into a waiting room is vital element of the organisation of the PM's office. Finally, Jim Hacker agrees it should be a waiting room.
When he informs Dorothy of his change of heart, she points out that this will make him totally dependent upon the advise given past the Ceremonious Service. He again takes a 'firm' decision to give Dorothy her old office back. And so they turn to the topic of Sir Humphrey. Dorothy points out that Sir Humphrey works in the Chiffonier Function, which is a different building, and the PM can restrict access to the PM's Office. Also she suggests that Jim could give Humphrey's job every bit Head of the Home Civil Service to Sir Frank Gordon. It is already shared between Sir Frank and Sir Humphrey. Jim thinks this is a bright plan.
Humphrey butting into a meeting with Frank Jim tells Sir Humphrey that Dorothy should accept her erstwhile office back afterward all. Sir Humphrey kickoff wants to await into it whether this is feasible. Then Jim turns to the topic of Sir Humphrey having too much on his plate, and that moving his responsibility as Caput of the Civil Service to Sir Frank would be a good idea. Sir Humphrey argues that the Treasury already accept far also much work (read: power) already. No decision is taken all the same.
When Jim goes into a meeting with the Permanent Secretary of the Treasury, Sir Frank Gordon, he asks Bernard to make sure Sir Humphrey doesn't interrupt. Formally, the Chiffonier Secretarial assistant has to ask permission to come over to Number 10. Jim instructs Bernard to enforce this formality. During the coming together, in which Sir Frank is in favour of making him the sole Head of the Abode Civil Service, Sir Humphrey however drops in. Jim is aroused that Bernard didn't prevent this and instructs him to take away Sir Humphrey's key to Number X.
Open the bloody door!!! Bernard has Security take away Sir Humphrey's cardinal. When Sir Humphrey phones request permission to come up over to Number X, Bernard refuses this. Still, Sir Humphrey has a spare key and thus still gets into Number 10. After this, Bernard orders security to change the locks on the door between the Cabinet Role and Number Ten.
Later on Sir Humphrey phones once again to inquire permission to come over to Number Ten, and Bernard refuses again. This time Sir Humphrey isn't able to open the door between the Cabinet Role and Number Ten. And so he tries to enter by the front door. He is stopped notwithstanding past a constabulary officer, and because he has no Number Ten pass or an appointment he is not allowed to enter. Now he tries to enter Number Ten through the garden. When he tries to open the door of the Chiffonier Room the alarm goes off. Oh look... it's Humphrey Jim Hacker lets him in. Sir Humphrey protests to the fact he tin can no longer get into Number X without permission. Jim Hacker yet feels that the issue of Dorothy's office is far more of import. This event is really the key to the solution. Sir Humphrey now agrees that Dorothy should take her old office dorsum. After this is resolved Jim Hacker gives Sir Humphrey a new key to Number Ten.
When he enquires who is to be Head of the Home Ceremonious Service, Jim tells it will exist Sir Humphrey...or Sir Frank. Jim hasn't decided all the same, only ultimately it volition exist his decision.
Rating (0-10): 10+

Top v Quotes

  1. RealAudio Sir Humphrey: "Prime number Government minister, I must protest in the strongest possible terms my profound opposition to a newly instituted practice which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy and which will, in all probability, should the current sorry innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication, and culminate in a status of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis which will return effectively impossible the coherent and co-ordinated discharge of the functions of authorities inside Her Majesty's U.k. of Bang-up U.k. and Northern Republic of ireland."
    Jim Hacker: "You mean yous've lost your key?"
  2. RealAudio Jim Hacker: "Bernard, I want you lot to put Dorothy back into her former office."
    Bernard Woolley: "Y'all hateful, deport her there?"
  3. RealAudio Jim Hacker: "People can wait in the lobby or in the state room."
    Sir Humphrey: "Some people. Just some people must wait where other people cannot see the people who are waiting. And people who go far earlier other people, must expect where they cannot run across other people who arrive after them being admitted earlier them. And people who come in from outside must wait where they cannot run into the people from inside coming in to tell you what the people from outside are going to see you near. And people who arrive when yous are with people that are not suppose to know you lot have seen, must wait somewhere until the people you are not suppose to have seen, have seen yous.
    Jim Hacker: "Sounds like an entire Whitehall farce going on."
  4. RealAudio Sir Frank Gordon: "Ah, when I say non overstretched, I was of course talking in a sense of full cumulative loading taken globally, rather than in respect of certain private and essentially dissonant responsibilities that, logically speaking, are non consonant or harmonious with the wide spectrum of intermeshing and inseparable function, and could indeed be said to place an excessive and supererogative burden on the office, where considered in relation to the comparatively exiguous advantages of their overall centralisation."
    Jim Hacker: "Yous could do part of Humphrey's job!"
  5. RealAudio Jim Hacker: "Why did you permit Sir Humphrey to come in here when I explicitly told you not to?"
    Bernard Woolley: "Well, I couldn't cease him."
    Jim Hacker: "Why not?"
    Bernard Woolley: "He's bigger than me."

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